First time sex tips
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A virgin refers to someone who has not had penetrative P in V sex before, however, some people regard it as more of a social construct than a definitive event
Your first time can be penetrative sex or simply a form of sexual contact like oral sex
We offer some tips on how to make your first sexual experience enjoyable on your terms
It is also important to think about having safe sex with a contraception and to think about STI testing
Virginity
A virgin is described as someone who has never had sexual intercourse before. So during your first time having sex, you are considered a virgin.
Though, sex and virginity means different things to different people. No judgement here! This is a safe space.
It is common for people to refer to sex as penis-in-vagina (P in V) and this would count as the first time you lose your virginity. Some people do not regard themselves as virgins as they have had oral or anal sex but not P in V sex. Then we have people who identify themselves as lesbians, gay, bisexual, pansexual, non-binary so may never have P in V sex. Does that mean they will be lifelong virgins?
Well bottom line is, virginity is a social construct. It is completely up to you and your definition of virginity. Worrying about how you lose your virginity should not be on your mind, instead, focus on how you can enjoy and make the most of your sexual experiences1.
Whether you are waiting till marriage or having a bit of fun, it is important to have a safe and enjoyable experience and never do something that you are not comfortable with. So let’s talk about how you can make the most of your first sexual experience.
Advice for the first time having sex
Remember this is just a guide to help you make the most of your first time having sex. There can be a lot of stigma surrounding having sex as a female or embedded deep in various cultures or religions. We are here to remind you there is no shame in having sex as long as you are having it on your terms.
It can be an anxiety filled event as it’s new to you but here are some tips to calm your nerves.
Right person
Whoever you choose to have your first experience with, we recommend finding someone you trust and can help you feel safe throughout. The more you are in control of the situation the more likely you are to enjoy yourself.
Nice location
We are sensory beings so choosing a place that makes you feel comfortable and happy will elevate your experience as a whole. Being somewhere unfamiliar to you might make it difficult for you to focus and immerse yourself in what is happening.
Foreplay
Easing yourself into it can make you feel less anxious about sex. Foreplay is also what you make of it. This can mean a lot of kissing (anywhere on your body), using toys or even role playing. You do you, as long as you are having fun.
Slow and steady
As the saying goes, slow and steady wins the race! Do not rush, and enjoy the whole moment. You do not want it to be over before you know it. You might find yourself constantly thinking about the next step which takes away from the experience. So take a moment to get yourself out of your head and just try letting go, enjoying every step.
The clitoris need tender loving care to slowly achieve an orgasm, do not rush it!
Try and keep trying
Your first time might not be perfect, it can feel awkward or less-than-perfect. Worry not, a bad first sexual experience does not mean you will always have bad sex. If you are up for it, give it another go but you are under no obligation to try again until you are ready. It is you who decides when you should have sex, not anyone else.
Safe sex
Consent
Saying yes is one of the most important parts of having sex. Regardless of if it’s your first time or millionth time, both parties need to consent to having any sexual contact. This can be touching, kissing, oral sex, anal sex or P in V sex.
If anyone is forcing you into a sexual encounter you do not want to have, please speak to someone you trust, whether that’s family or friends, your healthcare professional, teacher or the police.
STIs
Sex without appropriate testing can result in sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you are both having penetrative sex for the first time, it is also advised to get tested. Better safe than sorry as STIs can spread through any form of sexual contact2.
There are many different types of STIs and these can be prevented with barrier contraception (condoms and female condoms) or early STI testing.
Contraception
Contraceptives are ways to prevent pregnancy. Having unprotected sex can also lead to unplanned pregnancies. There are multiple hormonal and non-hormonal methods to prevent a pregnancy occuring3.
Condoms and female condoms are considered barrier contraception. The intrauterine copper device and cap/diaphragm are other non-hormonal methods. The combined contraception pill (COCP), progestogen-only pill (POP), implant, intrauterine system (IUS or hormonal coil), patch, injection, and vaginal ring are all hormonal contraceptive methods.
If you are thinking of starting a contraception method, the Lowdown contraceptive review platform can help you learn about different contraceptive methods from real-life experiences.
Common questions on having sex for the first time
Does it hurt to have sex for the first time?
Sex might feel uncomfortable the first time you have it as it is a new experience to you. Ideally penetrative sex should not hurt and if you feel relaxed and comfortable you will less likely feel pain. You might notice friction if there is not enough lubrication during penetrative sex. Using lube can make the experience more enjoyable and satisfying.
Is it normal to bleed after having sex for the first time?
Some women might bleed after penetrative sex while others might not, both perfectly normal. You might notice bleeding as the thin piece of tissue called the hymen covering your vaginal opening might tear. If you do not bleed, this does not mean you haven’t had sex.
Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?
You most definitely can. If you have started your periods prior to the first time having sex, this means you are ovulating and sperm can fertilise the egg leading to pregnancy. However, this can only happen with P in V sex, not with oral or anal sex.
Rarely, you can also get pregnant from precum.
Best sex positions for the first time?
This is all about the individual and what you feel most comfortable with. For intimacy and to make sure you’re communicating how you feel throughout, we’d recommend a face to face position. Either missionary (male on top, female below) or cowgirl (female on top, male below) would allow this.
Just remember, the first time you have sex should be on your terms and in the way you would like it. If you’re worried or have concerns, we have a fab sex coach Lucy on hand who can give advice!
Dr Fatema Dawoodbhoy
Fatema is currently training in London as an Academic doctor, with a special interest in Obstetrics and Gynaecology. She is passionate about championing women to understand their bodies better and prioritise their health. She understands the importance of clinically accurate articles and has been writing engaging and educative medical content for 5 years.
Our medical review process
This article has been medically reviewed for factual and up to date information by a Lowdown doctor.
